‘Just go with the flow’ : from ‘Vacuous Cliches’ (pg183)*

Some days I wish I could

It would be easier.

Instead of being battered by its waves or weary from trying to fight it,

And anxiously uttering prayers for it to cease, or just to have strength, or
O God, anything…

 

There is a lot to do,

And a lot to save: too much

(Although, if I’m honest; it’s mostly a lot I want to do and to save)

And great things- both small and big- are done by those who stood against it
for a time.

 

But to go with it,

And to relax an aching grip that sometimes holds on too tight ,

To be open to being snagged in overhanging branches,

Or beached for a while on stony banks,

And be on occasions bruised,

That would be something.

I’ll be on a deserted island off the West Coast of Scotland soon. With a company of others- most of whom I only know through this precious weekend in May- we will head off to Garbh Eileach in the Garvellachs for a wilderness retreat.

There will be space, contemplation, laughter, food and cold: there is no shelter on that island, no running water, no power supply & only the weather off the west coast of Scotland to keep us warm and dry…

‘Retreat’ sounds very Christian: some of us are, some aren’t and some aren’t sure. Those of us who still hold on to that label, often do tenuously and our questions now outweigh any answers we might once have been confident with. There has been a shift over the years that I’ve been going: we are more comfortable with the not knowing: there is less angst and – amidst the tensions of any temporary community- more peace.

Initially I thougtht that ‘retreats’ were supposed to be warm, comfortable and ordered, accompanied by plates of hearty food & good coffee: this is nothing like that- the wilderness does not care for you or your ease. In this environment ‘going with the flow’, for 48 hours at least, loses any semblance of comfort , but it is the disruption, the stripping away, the cold and sometimes the howling gales that is an intrinsic part of what happens.

I don’t know what I hope for and I think ‘hoping’ is a barrier to the experience: the wilderness, God, nature, whetever, will throw up what it throws up: a lack of preconceptions (and a good trowel…) helps. However, that experience of ‘going with the flow’ (sic) is always powerful, and especially right now for me: necessary.

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. *nb: ‘vacuous cliches’ isn’t a real book, so hasn’t been published (yet). I’d love to write one, with the collected bromides that people have said  (and sadly, sometimes I have said ) when they struggled to listen or couldn’t cope with what someone was saying.